"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
