There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize