Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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