Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
