After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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