She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
