I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
