Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
