I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
