dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
