Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
