I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
