I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
