and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
