take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
