I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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