I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
