I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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