If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
