i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
