there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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