Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
