The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
