Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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