i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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