Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
