You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
