32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
