I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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