I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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