I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
