i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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