oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
