I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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