Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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