Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
