i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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