Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
