I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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