Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
