Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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