i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
