I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
