I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
