My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
