I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
