My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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