She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
