my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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