I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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