How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
