it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
