btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
