Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
