My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
