Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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