I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
