I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
