I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
