I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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