the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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