eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
