Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
