the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
