You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize