Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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