Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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