I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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