I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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