My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
