got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
