Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
