I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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