OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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