my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
