Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
