I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So vagazzling was a success
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
