well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
