yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize