She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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