Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
These tits shall not be calmed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
