I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
