My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
