I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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