I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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