he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
