Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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